Bleached Bone: Issue 4
Yes, after another unnecessarily long wait, the better-than-ever
issue #4 is finally being released to the public (well, a very small elite
section of it anyway). Sorry for the delay, but I was busy...working on my
newest HyperCard stack (as well as eating/sleeping/going to school/going to
work/sleeping/taking naps/etc.)! Eat up.
Ignorance alert!!!!!!
You know those stupid email alerts! The ones that you get from
people who you don't know, and they sent carbon copies of the message you
recieved to 400 other people. The ones that say:
"Yesterday I recieved a phone call from a man who claimed to be the
President of the United States of America. He told me that he needed my
credit card numbers, and that it was a matter of national security. I knew
something was wrong, so I refused to tell him the numbers. Later I called
the credit card company, and they told me that I had done the right thing.
The guaranteed me that the president would never ask for my credit card
numbers. I just want to tell you that if a man calls, claiming to be
President Clinton asking for your credit card numbers, don't give them out!"
Yeah, well I got one of these. It warned me not to punch in a
certain set of numbers (90# for your phone phreaks) for people claiming to
be a phone repairman. Hello? The phone company controls the phone lines! If
they want to test them out, they most certainly don't need your help. The
people who send these stupid messages drive me crazy! At least they could
type in the Subject as 'Crap" or something, so I wouldn't think I recieved
some sort of important message from someone. yeah...
There are some of you out there who have questioned me on what the
title is a reference to. Besides being an obviously reference to the Devil,
the occult and the entire Book of Mormon, it is the name of a paint
produced by Games Workshop. The color is, surprise surprise, a pale
white/tan. It happenned to be near me when I named the first issue. And I
like the color.
NEW FEATURE! GUESS THAT FRINGE RELIGOUS LEADER!!!!
Yes, if you think you know the identity of this weeks
FRINGE RELIGOUS LEADER(!!!) email me your answer. Sorry, only one entry per
person. First correct entry will revieve a prize! Really! Today's hint:
"This man allowed his followers to rent special helmets from him,
for $1,000 a week, that would pick up his "brain-waves" and cause
enlightenmnet."
Gaming Review: Bible Quest (Old Testament Edition)
Ahh, you may ask, has MR BOJANGLEs finally ceased to only review
role-playing games in his publication? Has he finally decided to help the
conscientous Christian in all of us select a game that will bring untold
hours of family fun into my household? Yes. I've taken a break from the
ungodly role-playing games I normally rant about to say a few quick words
about what happens when you mix the Bible and a board game.
Shit happens. The one time I actually managed to complete a game, I
probably spent about 3/4 of the game begging my opponent to "stop playing
and we'll call it a draw...hell, you can win!". My victory did come at a
price (1/2 an hour of mindless "gaming"). To move your piece you must first
answer a biblical question. They vary from the painfully easy "What was the
name of the first Man?" to the unfairly difficult "After a peace offering,
most of the meat was returned to be eaten in a special feast. How was
favoritism shown to Hannah?" Who knows the answer to this? (I know SOMEONE
out there probably does; no names...) Also there are Scrabblesque peaces,
which have words printed on them such as 'God", "Lord", "Peace", "Thy",
etc. You afre supposed to spell out phrases, such as "Trust in the Lord",
but the potential for abuse is high. Of a scale from 1-10, I give this game
a 3. You'd be much better off buying the infamous UnGame (not that I
recomend that either (shudder) but it's an improvement).
The Mad Arab...he would understand...the Mad Arab...it was in his hands...
From the depths of the ancient Necronomicon come the famous
Demonic Spell of the Day. Actually this is one of two "Invocations of
Power" that the Mad Arab (Abdul Alhazred) has warned us not to use.
Hymn to the Ancient Ones
They are lying down, the Great Old Ones.
The bolts are fallen and the fastenings placed.
The crowds are quiet and the people are quiet.
The Elder Gods of the Land.
The Elder Goddesses of the Land.
SHAMMASH
SIN
ADAD
ISHTAR
Have gone to sleep in heaven.
They are not pronouncing judgements.
They are not deciding decisions.
Veiled is the Night.
The Temple and the Most Holy Places are quiet and dark.
The Judge of Truth.
The Father of the Fatherless.
SHAMMASH
Has gone to his chamber.
O Ancient Ones!
Gods of the Night!
AZABUA!
IAK SAKKAK!
KUTULU!
NINNGHIZHIDDA!
O Bright One, GIBIL!
O Warior, IRRA!
Seven Stars of Seven Powers!
Ever-Shining Star of the North!
Sirius!
DRACONIS!
CAPRICORNUS!
Stand by and accept
This sacrifice I offer
May it be acceptable
To the Most Ancient Gods!
IA MASHMASHTI! KAKAMMU SELAH!
I'd like to remind all my "loyal" readers that I gladly accept any
writing submissions with open arms. Here's your chance to have a say in
something that affects a dozen people's lives in no discernable way! I know
I'm excited. Hurry, space fills up soon!
(Please send me articles/personals/reviews/rants/song
lyrics/movie scripts/scanned images of small woodland animals!)
Now for some quick thoughts on how the American military is
destroying America's economy. Actually as I started planning out this
issue, including this issue, a friend told me they were writing a paper on
this very topic. I sort of tailored the "rant" (a paragraph, really) to
their needs, and gave it to them. Here we go:
As America travels closer to the next millenium, it becomes obvious
that our current military is the improper one for our world. For years the
government has misappropriated funds, resarched costly (as well as useless)
new weapons, and failed it's citizens. Even with the Cold War over,
spending increases each year; in 1998 the American military recieved 286
billion dollars. If the United States of America truly want to see national
reform, it must begin with changing the current military. Well over half of
America's 1998 budget was placed in the hands of the military, some of
America's most incompetent men in power. With the Cold War over, it seems
that the military has attempted to prove it's usefulness to the American
people. Our tax money is spent upon such projects as the S.D.I., known as
one of the military's greatest failures. With over 40 billion spent so far,
and 3.4 billion allotted this year, it seems that the military will never
give up their childlike dreams of lasers in space shooting down enemy
missiles. Supporters of the Star Wars system grow strangely silent when one
mentions that the SDI has never actually hit any of it's targets during any
of the trials. The very idea of missiles in space, lasers mounted on
spacecraft orbiting Earth, and explosive ladden satellites (the famed
"Killer Satellites") is the dream of madmen, not of government officals
interested in protecting their people. But the SDI must continue to recieve
funding, in an attempt to "fool" the American people that we are in danger
of a nuclear war. Probably the military's most insidious program is the
Junior ROTC (or JROTC), which cost taxpayers 76 billion in 1998. The JROTC
targets students as young as 14 as prospetive military candidates. It
usually targets at-risk teenagers (young African-American males in
dangerous neighborhoods) by promising large sums of money to schools that
comply. Once the school accepts, the candidates are subjected to typical
military brainwashing, propaganda and immersion in violence. And as the
military grows more and more ravenous each year, it demands larger and
larger sums of money. In 1997 2.7 billion was added to resarch new military
programs. Where did the money come from? It was simply cut from money
allocated to food stamps and child nutrition programs. The American
military is a hideous monster, that craves impossibly large amounts of
money. The more we feed it, the more difficult it becomes to control. Yeah!
I offer the following list of policies that if brought into effect
would make the American military a much more effective employer:
-Drastically cut military spending (at least by 1/2).
-End the JROTC and ROTC programs.
-Have soldiers required to perfrom a certain number of hours (maybe 10) of
community service per month.
-Castrate everyone! Especially the officers!!!!!
-A new marketing campaign (Such as "Are you a poor, unskilled, teenager
with a lower than average I.Q. and no morals? Then Uncle Sam wants you for
"Apoclypse Now: Part 2" Sign up at your local recruiter and remember, we
have many exciting areas of study, such as helicopter repair and submarine
tracking (real world skills!)).
MR BOJAnGLES
Sorry if this issue wasn't up to your standards (it wasn't up to mine!),
but heh, that's life. I figure it's better a mediocre piece today than
something amazing next week. Adios.